Contents
Who Is the Maid of Honor?
How to Plan a Bridal Shower
How to Give a Toast
How to Plan a Bachelorette Party
How to Help Choose Wedding Attire
Maid of Honor’s Ceremony Responsibilities
Maid of Honor’s Reception Responsibilities
How to Decorate the Bridal Suite
How to Overcome Obstacles
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- The maid of honor’s prewedding, ceremony, and reception duties
- The process of throwing a memorable bridal shower and bachelorette party
- Tips for picking flattering formalwear and giving an eloquent toast
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Who Is the Maid of Honor?
In a traditional Western wedding, the bride and groom often choose a group of close friends and relatives to participate alongside them in the wedding ceremony and reception—collectively, these men and women are called the bridal party. Though not every couple has a full bridal party, the bride usually picks at least a maid of honor—so called if the woman is unmarried—or a “matron of honor”—so called if the woman is married. (Because matron of honor is considered for the most part an outdated term, this guide refers only to the maid of honor.)
The maid of honor is someone very close to the bride—often a sister or best friend. She is one of the official witnesses to the ceremony (the other is the best man, who is chosen to assist the groom) and helps the bride with everything from throwing the bachelorette party to helping stuff wedding-invitation envelopes. It’s not uncommon for a bride to choose two maids of honor (or both a maid and matron of honor). In this case, it’s up to the bride how she wants to split up the duties between these two women.
Maid of Honor vs. Bridesmaids
The maid of honor differs from the rest of the bridesmaids in that she is the main point person. Essentially, she is the head of the bridal party. Unlike other bridesmaids, the maid of honor:
- Acts as a liaison between the bride and the bridesmaids as well as the other wedding guests
- Is usually the only person from the bridal party that signs the marriage license and/or ketubah (a Jewish marriage contract)
- Often wears a dress that’s slightly different so that the guests can tell her apart from the other bridesmaids (For more information on what the maid of honor should wear, see How to Help Choose Wedding Attire.)
Maid of Honor’s Obligations
Every bride has a different idea of the maid of honor’s
role in the wedding, so the maid of honor’s duties can
vary depending on the bride’s preferences. Once you’ve
accepted the bride’s offer to make you her maid of honor, it’s a good idea to have a conversation with her about what kinds of responsibilities she’d like you to take on.
Prewedding Duties
The maid of honor carries out most of her charges during the weeks and months before the wedding. The bride may ask the maid of honor for her help with any of the following tasks:
- Shopping for dresses: The bride most likely trusts the maid of honor’s opinion more than just about anyone else’s, so she may ask the maid of honor to accompany her as she shops for the wedding dress. (Usually, more than one shopping trip is involved.) The maid of honor may also help select the bridesmaids’ dresses and make sure that all of the bridesmaids go for their fittings and pick up their dresses on schedule.
- Helping to plan prewedding events: The maid of honor may also be the person (or one of the people) who plans the parties that lead up to the wedding day. She, along with the other bridesmaids, may want to throw a bachelorette party, for example. In some cases, the maid of honor may also be the one to throw a bridal shower—though relatives, including the bride’s mother, may throw the shower instead of or in addition to the maid of honor.
- Attending prewedding events: The maid of honor attends all parties, such as an engagement party or a bridal shower, leading up to the wedding. At these events, the maid of honor may be looked upon to help introduce friends and family of the bride and groom to one another. The maid of honor is often asked to keep track of gifts as the bride opens them. She usually sits next to the bride and keeps a list of presents and the guests who gave them so the bride can write her thank-you notes later.
- Supporting the bride emotionally: No matter what she’s called upon to do, the maid of honor should always be sensitive to and supportive of the bride’s emotional state. That means keeping the bride’s spirits up when she’s stressed out and being available to the bride if she needs help making decisions, such as choosing invitations that suit the wedding’s theme or working out the guests’ seating arrangements. Because planning a wedding can be overwhelming, the bride may sometimes need the maid of honor simply to act as her sounding board.
Ceremony Responsibilities
On the day of the wedding, the maid of honor should be
attentive to—and even anticipate—the bride’s needs. This is especially important, as so many people will be vying for the bride’s attention that she’s likely to become distracted. The maid of honor can expect to do any of the following:
- Tend to the bride’s hair, makeup, and attire: On the wedding day, the maid of honor may help the bride get dressed and primped. Sometimes the bride will schedule hair and makeup appointments at a local salon in advance so that the whole bridal party can get ready together on the morning of the wedding. The maid of honor should stash tissues and a mirror in her clutch in case the bride needs touch-ups throughout the day. The maid of honor will also adjust the bride’s dress after she’s taken her turn down the aisle, spreading out the train—a long extension of the dress that trails the bride as she walks.
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Hold the ring: One of
the maid of honor’s most priveleged responsibilities is to hold the groom’s ring, or wedding band (the best man traditionally holds the bride’s band) during the first part of the ceremony. The best place to store it is on your thumb, where it won’t get lost. At the appropriate time during the ceremony, the maid of honor passes the band to the bride so she can exchange rings with the groom.
For more on what you can expect to be in charge of at the ceremony, see Maid of Honor’s Ceremony Responsibilities.
Reception Responsibilities
Shortly after the ceremony ends, the reception—the main celebration—begins. As maid of honor, you should have fun but keep in mind that you’re still on call for a few important tasks, which may include:
- Making a toast: At the beginning of the reception, the maid of honor may be asked to toast the bride and groom. This entails preparing a speech to honor the couple and standing to recite that speech for everyone present. If the maid of honor is to give a toast, it usually happens right after the best man has finished his toast (sometimes only the best man toasts the bride and groom). The toast you give should be short and sweet and include a fun, touching story about the couple. (For more information, see How to Give a Toast).
- Managing the gifts: During the reception, guests may give the maid of honor gifts intended for the bride and groom. The maid of honor puts them in a safe place until the couple is ready to open them.
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