Contents
What Is Domestic Adoption?
Ideal Adoptive-Parent Qualities
Legalities of Adoption
Domestic Infant Adoption
Foster-to-Adopt Adoption
Open Adoption
Other Issues in Adoption
How to Finance an Adoption
After Your Child Comes Home
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After Your Child Comes Home
Once your child comes home, the real work of adoption begins.
Parental Leave
The Federal Family and Medical Leave Act states that companies with 50 or more employees must give up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for a child. Most companies include adoption as a justifiable reason to receive parental leave; in some states, the law requires this. Talk to your human resources director to discuss the kinds of leave available to you.
Homecoming Checklist
Your agency may have you create a homecoming checklist as part of the home study process. These lists may help you pull your own together.
Children Ages 0–4
- Bottles or sippy cup
- Car seat or booster seat
- Crib or bed safety rail
- Diapers and training pants
- Formula, baby food, or toddler-friendly food
- Infant/preschooler toys
If the child arrives already taking formula, think about using the same brand. Adjusting to a new formula can be hard for a young child’s digestive system.
Children Ages 5+
- Toys
- Games
- Puzzles
- Sports equipment
Depending on their size, some children may still need a booster seat at this age. Some children this age—even if potty-trained—may still have accidents, especially at night.
Children of Any Age
- Child-friendly food
- Age-appropriate clothing
- Childproofing supplies
- Child development reference book
- First aid kit
- Extra linens and towels
- Camera (you’ll want to take a lot of pictures)
Helping Your Child Adjust
Bringing a new child into the family is always a big adjustment. The older a child is when he or she comes into your home, the more difficult the adjustment might be. Your child may be grieving the loss of a previous parent or caregiver and may need some time to learn the new sights, sounds, and smells of your home. You can help your child with the transition by:
- Openly discussing the big changes
- Letting your child know that he or she can talk about the people they miss without worrying about upsetting you
- Looking at pictures of their previous caregivers
- Writing letters to the people they miss
Helping Siblings Adjust
If you have other children, you’ll need to deal with their feelings about the new addition. Jealousy, acting up, and regression (acting younger or backsliding in toilet training or sleep) are common and normal. Try to spend some time alone with your other children. A quick cuddle or even a date night for just you and your child can make a big difference.
Creating a Lifebook
Many adoption professionals encourage adoptive parents to create lifebooks for their children. A lifebook is like a baby book, but one that expressly addresses your child’s life before the adoption. It helps your child integrate the adoption story into the rest of his or her life story. It lets your child know that you value his or her history and the way he or she arrived at your adoptive family. A lifebook might feature pictures of or stories about birth parents or other caregivers. It might include the story of how your child came to be with you, information about social workers, any traveling you had to do, or preplacement visits.
Post-Adoption Depression
Many parents suffer from a kind of letdown after the adoption is complete—after months or years of struggle, the child finally comes home. No matter how happy the event is, it’s also a big adjustment. Symptoms of post-adoption depression include difficultly sleeping, loss of appetite, depressed mood, irritability, feeling guilty, and feeling like an inadequate parent.
If you’re adopting an older child or a special-needs child, you may be especially vulnerable, as it can take time before such children are responsive to loving care. You may wonder whether you made a mistake or whether you’re “good enough” to earn your child’s love. Unfortunately, many parents are afraid or ashamed to tell anyone if they’re suffering with post-adoption depression and therefore do not get help. But appropriate support, counseling, or even medication can help you overcome any depression and enjoy your new family.
Getting Support
Adoption is a lifelong event with long-term consequences for all involved. As your child grows and hits developmental milestones, he or she may rethink the adoption story and have new questions or concerns. Professional help can make transitions easier and help your child meet a healthy goal of incorporating the adoption story into his or her self-image.
Finding a Counselor
Your social worker is your first resource in finding a knowledgeable adoption counselor. You can also talk to other adoptive parents or ask a family therapist for a referral.
Finding a Support Group
Your agency may also offer support groups or know of other support groups in your area. You can also contact area hospitals or start your own group with the help of other local adoptive families.
| Acknowledgments & Disclaimer |
