Contents
What Is Domestic Adoption?
Ideal Adoptive-Parent Qualities
Legalities of Adoption
Domestic Infant Adoption
Foster-to-Adopt Adoption
Open Adoption
Other Issues in Adoption
How to Finance an Adoption
After Your Child Comes Home
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Foster-to-Adopt Adoption
In foster-to-adopt situations, children who were removed from their families’ care due to abuse or neglect are available for adoption through the state. Though most foster care programs aim for family reunification, sometimes the courts decide that the child is better off with a new family.
Who Are the Children Available to Adopt?
Here are some basic facts about children who are available to adopt through the foster care system:
- Most are between the ages of 1 and 10 when their adoptions are final.
- More than half are children of color (although this varies greatly by state).
- The vast majority of children have a history of abuse or neglect (but some come into foster care at birth).
- Many were born exposed to drugs or received poor prenatal care.
- Many have physical and emotional challenges but can thrive with appropriate, stable, and loving care.
General Characteristics of Birth Parents
Children are sent to foster care after the birth parents fail to meet the expectations of their case plan—sometimes after having several opportunities to do so. Birth parents in foster-to-adopt situations may have a history of drug or alcohol addiction, domestic violence, homelessness,
untreated mental illness, or developmental disability.
How to Adopt Through the State
Some families work directly with state agencies in foster-to-adopt situations. The state takes custody of children and places them in contracted, state-funded homes or agencies.
How to Adopt Through an Agency
The state contracts with private and nonprofit agencies to help them care for and place children. Contracted agencies may have different training and policies, such as asking parents to sign a statement of faith before using their program to adopt. Even if you adopt through the state, you may use a contracted agency for your training, home study, and post-placement services.
The Foster-to-Adopt Process
The foster-to-adopt process is similar to the domestic infant adoption process, but there are notable differences.
Foster-to-Adopt Home Study
The foster-to-adopt home study is very similar to the
domestic infant adoption home study. In fact, one agency may do both kinds of home studies.
Foster-to-Adopt Training
Training for foster-to-adopt situations covers the way the system works and the special needs of foster children. It’s usually longer and more involved than the training for
domestic infant adoption, lasting several weeks and including topics such as discipline, parenting children with attachment issues, and identifying services in your community.
Work with a Social Worker
A social worker will oversee your adoption process, contact other caseworkers who are representing available children, and work with them to make the right matches.
Wait for a Match
In some cases, foster-to-adopt adoptions happen very quickly—it’s not unheard of for social workers to present parents with a situation the same day that the parents complete their training. But it can also take months, depending on the availability of suitable children, limits of adoptive parents, and caseworkers’ schedules.
What to Expect When You’re Offered a Placement
The social worker will outline whatever details he or she has about the potential placement, and you’ll have the opportunity to accept or reject it. When you get the call, it’s important to take a deep breath and give yourself time to think. Here are some questions to ask the social worker before you make your decision:
- How old is the child?
- What history has the child had with his birth family and other foster placements?
- Is the child free to be adopted legally?
- If the child is coming from a foster home, can I speak with the foster parents?
- Does the child have any special medical, emotional, physical, or educational needs?
- Is the child part of a sibling group? If so, what is the placement status of the siblings?
- What is this child’s current treatment plan?
- Does the child have any acting-out behaviors of which I should be aware?
When to Say No to a Placement
Social workers may sometimes pressure parents to stretch their boundaries. You may feel guilty saying no to a potential placement, but it’s important that you be honest with yourself about what you feel you can handle. You and the child both deserve a fulfilling situation.
What to Expect Once the Child Is Placed
Once the child is in your home, you’ve become part of that child’s treatment plan.
Family Reunification
The foster care system still works primarily to reunite families. The child’s social worker will dictate things that parents need to do to regain custody of their child, such as to:
- Secure a safe, clean home
- Attend parenting classes
- Maintain sobriety
- Honor a psychiatric treatment plan
- Avoid other adults who have caused harm to the child
Termination of Parental Rights
If the family fails to meet the standards set by the child’s caseworker, the caseworker will go before a judge to obtain a termination of parental rights. If the caseworker is successful, the child will be legally free for adoption. If the social worker feels that yours is the right home for that child, you can then petition to adopt.
Issues That Arise in Foster-to-Adopt Adoptions
There are certain challenges that are unique to foster-to-adopt situations.
Children Must Be Returned to Their Birth Parents
It can be frustrating to parent a child who’s a legal risk, who may potentially return to his or her biological family, or who may potentially be placed with another adoptive family. You may grow to love the child even knowing that you have no say in her future. You may also need to deliver the child to his or her biological parents for visits even if you don’t approve of those visits. It can be hard to deal with the fallout when a child is grieving the loss of his or her parents or is afraid to visit with them when you have little input as to how the visits happen. Talking with other foster families about your frustrations will go a long way toward helping you deal with them. Other families can also give you hints about managing your end of the system.
Emotional and Behavioral Problems
Many children in foster care have special issues that can challenge even the most patient foster parents. Emotional and behavioral problems can have their roots in:
- Abuse or neglect: A history of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or severe neglect affects a child’s healthy development.
- Number of placements: The more a child moves around, the more difficult his or her adjustment can be.
- Child’s age: Older children may have more difficulty adjusting than younger children, although much depends on previous history and the number of placements.
- Child’s age compared to other children in household: Some children do best in a family where they’re the only or youngest child. Being with other children may be especially difficult and can bring out inappropriate behaviors. Work closely with the child’s social worker and, if possible, speak with prior foster parents to head off or prepare for problems before they begin.
Attachment Disorders
Children who have had many disrupted placements or who experienced loss at a vulnerable age may suffer from attachment issues. The most severe of these is reactive attachment disorder (RAD), which can occur when a child hasn’t bonded with his birth parents and is consequently unable to trust and depend on caregivers. Children are most at risk for the disorder during the first three years of life, when building a secure attachment to caregivers is an important part of healthy emotional development. Poorly attached children may display the following behaviors:
Only a professional can diagnose an attachment disorder, as some of these behaviors may also be present in securely attached but otherwise struggling children. Children who have attachment disorders need special therapeutic care and may respond best to parenting with firm boundaries, strict expectations, and calm reactions.
Parenting a poorly attached child can be very challenging—it’s important to get support from other foster parents and health professionals. If you’re doing a foster-to-adopt adoption, you’ll likely receive training on building healthy attachment. Parents of securely attached children may not understand the difficulties of parenting a child with attachment issues, so seek the support of those who can appreciate the challenges of your situation.
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