Dating Etiquette

Asking Someone Out

• Be clear: Make sure the person knows you’re interested romantically, not just as friends.
• Be specific: Suggest a specific time and place.
• Ask in person or on the phone: Avoid using email, as it’s best to have direct interaction.
• Ask in advance: Ask at least four days ahead of time.

Turning Down a Date

• Be considerate: The other person took a risk in asking you out, so be conscious of the person’s feelings.
• Be honest: If you reject someone outright, do so gracefully. Try a phrase such as, “Thanks for asking, but I just don’t feel we’d be right together.”
• Be clear: If you don’t respond decisively, you might be asked out again. Don’t give false hope.

The First Date

• Plan ahead: If you asked someone out, make sure the date goes smoothly. Make reservations, buy movie tickets ahead of time, bring enough money to cover expenses. Show your regard for the other person in the effort you devote to prior planning.
• What to wear: Suit your clothes to the formality of the occasion. Too formal might make you look nervous, while not formal enough will make it seem like you don’t care. Wear comfortable clothes that make you look your best.
• What to say: While on a first date, avoid touchy issues such as politics, money, religion, and your romantic history. Don’t talk about yourself too much, either. Ask your date questions without prying.
• Ending the date: No matter how the date went, thank your date and make sure he or she gets home safely. If you had a great time, ask for another date. If you don’t want another date, politely but firmly decline.
• To kiss or not to kiss: In general, it’s usually better not to go for a kiss on a first date. Holding back makes you seem confident and gracious, while going in for a kiss may appear overly forward.

Who Should Pay on a Date

• The asker pays: The person who initiates the date should pay, unless it’s discussed clearly ahead of time that the expenses will be split.
• Additional activities: If someone suggests an activity beyond the scope of the original plans, he or she should pay for it.
• If you offer to pay: Don’t take offense if the other person lets you.
• Always bring money: Make sure you have enough money to pay for everything, even if you don’t expect to pay at all.
• If you’re sure the other person is paying: Don’t order the most expensive item on the menu and don’t order more courses than your date.

Modern Dating

1. Be honest: When posting your profile online, use an up-to-date photograph and don’t exaggerate.
2. Be safe online: Don’t give your address or phone number to someone you meet online.
3. Meeting: Schedule something casual and short, such as meeting for a cup of coffee or a drink. Always meet in a public place.
4. Be safe offline: When meeting, carry a cell phone and make sure a friend knows exactly where you’ll be. If someone has grossly misrepresented him- or herself online, or if you feel at all uncomfortable or unsafe, leave immediately.
5. Manage your expectations: Just because you’ve exchanged a few flirtatious emails doesn’t mean that you’ll be physically attracted to someone in real life. If someone’s looks don’t meet your expectations, be tactful and don’t tell him or her.

Sex Etiquette

• Discuss your sexual histories in detail.
• Get tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
• Exchange test results with your partner. Don’t just take his or her word for it.
• Use condoms. If your partner refuses, don’t have sex.
• If you’re a woman, don’t depend on men to carry condoms. It’s everyone’s responsibility.
• Discuss birth control. Unless you’re ready to have children together, use a reliable form of birth control in addition to a condom every time you’re intimate.