Contents
What Is International Adoption?
Where to Begin the International Adoption Process
Traits that Agencies and Countries Look for in Adoptive Parents
International Adoption Costs
Types of Children Available to Adopt Internationally
Other Issues in International Adoption
Starting the Adoption Process
The Adoption Wait
The Adoption Referral
How to Prepare to Travel to Your Child’s Country
In-Country Adoption
Your Adopted Child’s Homecoming
Common Issues with Children Adopted Internationally
Attachment Challenges in
Adopted Children
How to Create a Lifebook
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- The costs and logistics of international adoption, from start to finish
- Realistic expectations—both emotional and practical—of adopting overseas
- The rewards and challenges of parenting an internationally adopted child
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What Is International Adoption?
Adoption is the process by which adults become legal parents to children who are not theirs biologically. Through international adoption (also called intercountry adoption), adults living in one country adopt infants or children born in other countries.
In the United States, adoptive parents must meet both U.S. standards and standards set by the country from which they seek to adopt. Some programs ask hopeful parents to spend time in the child’s country of origin. Others send children to the United States to spend time with their potential parents. The criteria of programs, cost of adoption, and types of children available vary from country to country.
A Note About Domestic Adoption
Through the process of domestic adoption, children born in the United States are either voluntarily surrendered by their parents (usually as infants) and placed with families through attorneys or agencies, or they’re removed from their homes due to abuse or neglect and placed with families through social service agencies. Some issues addressed in this guide apply to domestic adoption too, but most of the guide pertains to the process of international adoption only. For more specific information on domestic adoption, see the Quamut guide to Domestic Adoption.
People Involved in an International Adoption
There are a number of people involved in the international adoption process. In the United States, parties include:
- Adoptive parents: These adults assume the legal role of parents.
- Social worker: This licensed professional supervises the homestudy (see Starting the Adoption Process) and may also do post-placement visits. He or she may either work directly for the agency that’s supervising your adoption or contract through another agency.
- Agency workers: Professionals within your agency supervise the process overseas and guide you as you complete your homestudy, submit your paperwork, and bring your child home.
- Attorney: Depending on the country from which you adopt, you may need a lawyer to handle certain legalities once your child is in the United States. In a process called independent adoption, some hopeful parents actually choose to adopt with an attorney instead of an agency (though in international adoption, this tends to be a rare occurrence).
In the child’s country of origin, parties include:
- Birth parents: These are the child’s biological parents. Although most children available for international adoption have been orphaned or abandoned, some countries do maintain birth family contact. For those children who have absolutely no information about their birth family, though, the loss of biological ties does play a role in their personal development.
- Foster parents: Some countries place adoptable children with foster families rather than in orphanages. Sometimes, adoptive parents have contact with their children’s foster parents.
- Orphanage workers: These workers are the primary caretakers of children staying in orphanages. Adoptive parents may or may not have contact with orphanage workers, who are sometimes called nannies.
- Coordinators: Coordinators may either work for your agency or contract with several agencies. Working closely with the adoption program within the country, the coordinator helps you understand the system and helps translate the process for you.
Adoption Language
The language of adoption is a complicated, sensitive topic. Though there are common terms used by most adoption professionals, the issues surrounding labels in the world of adoption are ever changing.
Common Term |
Other Appropriate Terms |
Outdated Terms |
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Adoptee |
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Adoptive parent |
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Birth parent |
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Placed for adoption |
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Adoption triad |
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*In recent years, both birth and adoptive parents have begun to use the term natural parent, so it may be appropriate depending on the social context.
Fears, Considerations, and Expectations About Adoption
Adoption is a huge emotional undertaking. Most potential adoptive parents enter into an exploration of adoption with worries and concerns. It’s normal to be cautious when assessing the possibility of such a major life event as adoption.
- Have realistic expectations about adoption: By reading about adoption in books and online, meeting with other parents who have adopted through similar programs, and speaking with adoption professionals, you can adjust your expectations to the reality of the adoption experience. Doing so will make some of the challenges (background checks, the waiting period, working with the international adoption system, and so on) less daunting. It will also help prepare you for the reality of traveling and working with social workers and the typical developmental experiences that adoptive children face.
- Face your fears about adoption: Sometimes, you might be reluctant to ask your social worker or attorney for help because you worry that expressing your fears will make you seem unready to adopt. But your adoption professional should be your best resource—if you don’t feel comfortable talking to him or her, it may be time to reassess the relationship. Your agency should be able to put you in touch with local adoption resources that can help you find information that will put your fears to rest. There are also many online groups (do a search at groups.yahoo.com) run by parents who have adopted from the same country or region or have used the same agency.
Misconceptions About Adoption
As you explore adoption and talk to other adoptive parents, you’ll probably find that your worries are typical. Following are some common misconceptions about adoption.
“Adopting Is Just Like Giving Birth”
Particularly because many parents turn to adoption after experiencing infertility, it’s important to understand that adoption has challenges—and rewards—that differ from having a baby biologically. Children who come to a family through adoption have a history that predates their arrival, even if they’re adopted soon after birth. Adoptive parents and adoptees have the right to grieve the specific losses of adoption, such as the lack of biological ties, ancestral history, and hereditary traits. Doing so will give everyone involved more freedom to celebrate the gifts of adoption.
“Adoptive Children Don’t Miss Their Birth Parents”
Studies show that most adopted children wonder about their birth parents. Many of them—especially during adolescence or young adulthood—yearn for a connection to their biological roots. Honoring adoptive children’s feelings and helping them integrate their adoption experience are two of an adoptive parent’s most important jobs.
“Adoptive Children Never Adjust”
It’s usually not the adoption itself but the child’s prior
experiences that present challenges with regard to his or her adjustment. But more often than not, children are resilient. For many internationally adopted children, post-adoption services and support are especially vital to adjustment.
“Adoptive Parents Don’t Love Their Children As Much As Birth Parents Do”
As any adoptive parent will tell you, the love for a child who arrives via adoption is as deep, moving, and multifaceted as the love for biological children.
“Adopted Children Are Damaged Goods”
Many internationally adopted children have spent time in orphanages or with foster families and have had to learn to cope with stressful environments at a very young age. They often need extra support learning to trust and attach to their adoptive families. But with proper care, they can thrive.
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