Contents
What Is International Adoption?
Where to Begin the International Adoption Process
Traits that Agencies and Countries Look for in Adoptive Parents
International Adoption Costs
Types of Children Available to Adopt Internationally
Other Issues in International Adoption
Starting the Adoption Process
The Adoption Wait
The Adoption Referral
How to Prepare to Travel to Your Child’s Country
In-Country Adoption
Your Adopted Child’s Homecoming
Common Issues with Children Adopted Internationally
Attachment Challenges in
Adopted Children
How to Create a Lifebook
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Attachment Challenges in Adopted Children
Attachment describes how a child learns that he can depend on you to meet his needs, both emotionally and physically. Babies are primed to attach to their caregivers, and through normal, responsive parenting—responding to their cries, feeding them when they’re hungry, changing them when they’re wet—parents and babies build a healthy attachment to each other. Children who have been in orphanages or who are older, however, may have more trouble establishing healthy attachment.
How to Promote Attachment
The following strategies can help promote healthy attachment after your child comes home:
- Be present: Show your child that you will tend to her needs or requests.
- Limit visitors the first week: As tempting as it is to have a big party to welcome your child, you first need to adjust to each other, and your child needs to learn that you are the important person in his life.
- Don’t let other people do the caregiving: At the beginning, you should do the feeding, dressing, bathing, and putting down for naps and nighttime.
- Stay within your child’s eyesight: It can be hard—especially if you’re used to having alone time—but your child needs to learn that you’re permanent and that you don’t go away when your shift is over.
- Carry your child as much as possible: If your child is a baby, use a carrier or backpack so that your child is close to your body as much as possible and learns your voice, your smell, and the rhythm of your movements.
- Make eye contact and cuddle: Look into your child’s eyes when you’re talking. Sing songs and read books together. Give lots of hugs. If your child is still a baby, try learning infant massage (see the Quamut guide to Infant Massage).
How to Choose Child Care
Your child has experienced changing caregivers already, so it’s important that her child-care situation be as stable as possible once you get home. Look for a situation in which one caregiver is the primary person who cares for your child. Help educate the providers about any special needs your child has, including any adjustment and attachment issues that you’re working on.
How to Arrange for Your Child’s Education
You need to decide whether your child should start school immediately or have some time to adjust to his new home first. You may choose to homeschool your child temporarily, or you may feel that your child needs the routine and resources of the school environment. Be flexible as you sort through your decisions, and talk with other adoptive parents to see what has worked for them.
Attachment Disorders
Children who have experienced loss at a vulnerable age and have not had the opportunity to bond with a primary caregiver may suffer from attachment issues. The most severe of these is reactive attachment disorder (RAD), which can occur when a child hasn’t bonded with his birth parents and is consequently unable to trust and depend on caregivers. Children are the most at risk during the first three years of life, when building a secure attachment to caregivers is an important part of healthy emotional development. Poorly attached children may display the following behaviors:
- Manipulation
- Defiance
- Poor social skills
- Indiscriminate affection (attaching quickly to strangers)
- Lying
- Illegal behavior, such as stealing
- Poor impulse control
- Isolation
- Self-destructiveness or harm to others
- Harm to animals
- Avoidance of affection from caregivers
- Difficulty being comforted
- Learning disabilities or delays
Only a professional can diagnose an attachment disorder, as some of these behaviors may also be present in securely attached but otherwise struggling children. Children who have attachment disorders need special therapeutic care and may respond best to parenting with firm boundaries, strict expectations, and calm reactions.
Parenting a poorly attached child can be very challenging—it’s important to get support from other foster parents and health professionals. If you’re doing a foster-to-adopt adoption, you’ll likely receive training on building healthy attachment. Parents of securely attached children may not understand the difficulties of parenting a child with attachment issues, so seek the support of those who can appreciate the challenges of your situation.
How to Get Help for Attachment Disorders
Fortunately, you’re not alone on your parenting journey, as many resources are available to help you with the challenges of international adoption. These include:
- International adoption clinics: Many communities offer services through local medical agencies or children’s hospitals that are specific to the needs of internationally adopted children. Most are aware of common issues for children coming from certain countries and can help you identify and address problems early on.
- Early Intervention: The Early Intervention Program (EIP) is a U.S. government program for children from birth to age 3. It is usually (although not always) free for qualifying children. Your child can receive a comprehensive evaluation through the state; if she is diagnosed as needing special help, many states supply these services in your home free of charge. You can learn more about the EIP through your pediatrician.
- Special needs help through your school district: Children who can’t be served by early intervention may still qualify for an individualized education plan (IEP) through their state or county or from their local school district.
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