Contents
What Is International Adoption?
Where to Begin the International Adoption Process
Traits that Agencies and Countries Look for in Adoptive Parents
International Adoption Costs
Types of Children Available to Adopt Internationally
Other Issues in International Adoption
Starting the Adoption Process
The Adoption Wait
The Adoption Referral
How to Prepare to Travel to Your Child’s Country
In-Country Adoption
Your Adopted Child’s Homecoming
Common Issues with Children Adopted Internationally
Attachment Challenges in
Adopted Children
How to Create a Lifebook
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In-Country Adoption
Depending on the program, you may meet your child soon after your arrival in the country, or you may have some time to travel beforehand.
What to Expect When You Meet Your Child
You may meet your child for the first time at the orphanage, or she may be brought to your hotel. Depending on the program, you may spend time together and then separate, or you may take your child home right away. Whatever happens at that first meeting, have your camera ready. You’re likely to forget certain details if you’re overwhelmed with emotions.
Tips for Your First Meeting with Your Child
You’ve likely dreamed about meeting your child for a long time, and you may have high
expectations. Talking to parents who have already adopted can prepare you for the reality of meeting and interacting with your child. For example, he may be shy or even scared of you. Perhaps he has never seen anyone who looks, smells, and talks like you. Tears, hysterical crying, and clinging to the caregiver are all normal reactions on a child’s part. Some children withdraw deeply and seem unable to connect with their new parents. These responses can be very scary, but here are some tips to make the most of your first meeting:
- Take it slow: Try not to overwhelm your child with a flurry of hugs and exclamations.
- Hang back: If you’re meeting your child in her orphanage, you can let her become familiar with your presence and invite her to make the first move.
- Bring a gift: Food, toys, or books can help break the ice.
- Learn the language: Knowing some basic words in your child’s language (even phrases as simple as “it’s all right” or “you’re okay”) can help calm him.
- Be patient: It takes time to foster attachment on both sides.
What to Do If Your Child Gets Sick
Caring for a new child in a foreign country can be overwhelming; if your child gets sick to boot, it can be downright frightening. Here’s what you can do if your child becomes ill:
- Ask your agency’s in-country representative or your hotel’s front desk staff about any medical care that’s available to you.
- Call your pediatrician or the international medical clinic for advice.
- Ask your child’s caregivers for more detailed information about any symptoms your child was having before you got there.
- Contact your agency at home and ask them for help.
If You Meet the Caretakers: Things to Ask
If you’re fortunate enough to have the opportunity to meet your child’s caretakers, try to ask them questions that can serve your child later. If you can, videotape the conversation; even if you have an interpreter there, you may want to have the conversation reinterpreted later to see if there’s anything you missed. Some questions to ask are:
- Did my child have any particular friends in the orphanage?
- Do you know anything about my child’s life prior to coming to you?
- Does my child have a favorite song?
- Does my child use a pacifier?
- How do you pronounce her name? Does she have a nickname?
- How often does my child like to eat? What was he fed?
- Is my child prone to colds, earaches, allergies, or any other illnesses?
- Is there anything else you would like me to know or to tell my child as she grows?
- Is there anything particular that comforts my child?
- What was my child’s personality like in your care?
- What was the name of my child’s nanny or special caregiver?
Answers to these questions are likely to matter to you even more in the future when you and your child talk about his adoption story.
In-Country Adoption Ceremony
Depending on the country from which you adopt, you may go through an adoption ceremony there. This ceremony establishes you as the legal parent(s) of your child. Your agency can tell you more about this process, what to expect, and what’s required of you.
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